Life has changed dramatically since the last time I wrote in here. I am no longer married to Bruce. That is the biggest change. The other changes are that: Aaron moved out in April of this year. Alyssa is married and has an adorable baby! I am now married to David Bassett, and we live in Ogden, UT. I no longer do taxes, but am getting ready to start a new job at the new Home Depot call center, after just finishing a stint with Teleperformance USA Cheesecake Factory. David and I are preparing to celebrate our 3rd Anniversary on January 1, 2013.
And in the face of all of this change, I am still struggling with some things, that I thought would change, one no longer being married to Bruce; two, being married to David Bassett; three, being on meds for the bipolar.
I was very happy with David, in the beginning, but a lot of things have happened that have made me question that decision. I'm wondering now if I have made the best decision, because at times, he can be very self centered, and very controlling. Right now, we are not doing very well, and I wonder how to make things better? Is it possible?
He is sick, and has been sick for awhile, and is angry because I have not been babying him. He says I have been "cold", but I told him I have not. He seems to expect something from me that I am incapable of doing, or something. I don't know if I will ever be happy in marriage, given that I am unable to meet expectations. Especially when they are not shared with me.
Any feed back?
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Catch Up
Sorry, I have not been on here in a while. Life has been SOOO busy! But, good! We are attending a new church, and have been so blessed since being there! So, since attending, I now teach Sunday School to the preschool and Kindergarten age kids, with sweet Miss Evelyn (a 76 year old woman from Illinois, who has 'adopted' me - being orphaned as I am!)
I now sing with the Worship Team, and feel blessed to be singing with so many who love the Lord and truly want to serve Him and not glorify themselves! I was also asked (by my dear sweet friend Nicole, the Women's Ministry Director, and who is also on the Worship Team) to sing with her and another lady on the Worship Team (Sylvia) for the Women's Retreat. I was so touched, that I cried!
She (Nicole) also asked me to be the Director of Fundraising for Women's Ministies, and so I am going to the first meeting for that this Thursday. As well as having been invited (by another very dear friend of mine, LoRee Feltz, Nicole's mama!) to come to a Master Planning meeting, to be a part of the planning that is in the works to build a new church building and to include a school - which I am excited to see what the Lord has in store for that! and how He will (once again) use me in the development of that school. As well as several other women there who are so blessed and talented!
Paola is one. She has 3 sweet little children, and a wonderful husband, Froy, (who does the sound for our church, among many other things), and she used to be Kindergarten teacher! She now teaches the Youth at church, but has experessed an interest in teaching again, once we get the school going! She is an amazing young woman as well! (This church is blessed with talented, amazing people! I feel blessed to be a part of it!)
LoRee also has expressed an interest in being part of the school, as Administrator, or something like that. She would be very good in that role! She and I have talked about getting other ministries up and running at the church too! She is just as ambitious as I am! If not more!
On top of all that, I go with Miss Evelyn, and her great husband, Melvin, to a Bible study, with some older women from the Baptist church, at the convalescent home on Fridays. These women are already near and dear to my heart! Especially Miss Lynn, and Miss Phyllis! Miss Lynn has some past pains and hurts similar to mine, and so she and I connected almost immediately!
Miss Phyllis was so sweet to give me a very dear gift: her King James Bible, as I saw how my New Living Translation (as well as all other translations of the Bible, apart from the New American Standard Bible) did not have a verse in Acts! It was Acts 8:37! Missing! So, she parted with her very special King James Bible and gave it to me - something I will cherish!
Yesterday, Miss Evelyn, and another very sweet woman from the church, Miss Nola, started a Bible study at the Assisted Living place where Nola lives! We had a wonderful time of fellowship and sharing our testimonies, as an effort to get to know each other better and where each oher has been, and where they are coming from. It was quite interesting hearing everyone's stories!
Especially another lady, who was there with us from a non denominational church here in Layton, Alpine - her name is Pat. And she shared about how she has been on missionary trips to South America, specifically in Peru. And shared some of her experiences there with us. It was quite interesting and very humbling. Especially, she was on one trip there for 3 months! The others were shorter, but not by much. One was for 2 1/2 months, and the other a few weeks. One was for medical reasons - to assist the Peruvians with medical care. Another time was to build an orphanage. She told us how the bricks to build the roof were carried up a ladder, but not what we consider a ladder. It was just rungs! And that the bricks were in large buckets, tied to a rope that was put over their shoulders, and it was 103 degrees!
She also shared how their water supply, because of the lack of rain, came from the mountain, and so was very dirty and not very sanitary. She also shared that if a child made it to it's 10th to 12th birthday, then it was more likely that they would live to see adulthood. It was very sad.
After taking Miss Evelyn home, my husband and youngest son, Austin and I went to the church for Accountability Group, which is every other Tuesday. We get a chance to fellowship and to share with one another what is really going on in our lives, as well as whether or not we are reading our Bibles daily, praying daily and praying for a lost person daily. Then, what do we believe God is speaking to our hearts. It is a very great time of fellowship as well, and an opportunity not only to share what is on our hearts, but to hear what is on other people's hearts, as well, and thus to get to know each other and to pray for one another, as we know how to pray for one another.
Between all of these activities in my life, plus keeping a house, being pregnant, seeing to all of my kid's activities, and making sure they get the things done they need to get done, as well as doing my school, well as you can see, life is very full and very busy! But, because I get so depressed when I do not feel that I have a purpose to live for, I love being busy! But, busy doing the right kinds of things. As I said, things that give my life meaning and purpose.
I have noticed too, that doing all of these things get my focus off of myself and on to serving others, and that has assisted with removing selfishness from my life and self focus. I love to serve! I love to serve the Lord! And I love to be used by Him to make a difference in the lives of others! It has been so long since I have been used by Him in that way, that it is refreshing!
I am no longer working doing taxes. I was fired (due to my lack of knowledge - didn't know as much as they thought I did, based on how I was trained at my first place doing taxes) And I tell people, "God fired me!" When I was fired, and they were nice about it and felt badly about it, but just knew it was getting difficult for me and it was making things difficult on them, especially as we were nearing busy time, so I was ok with it. So, when I was fired, I said to God, "Well, obviously You have a plan in all of this. Please make it clear what You want me to do. Do You want me to look for another job? Do You want me to just focus on school? Do You want me to homeschool Austin?"
I did not get an answer right away, of course, but I was open to whatever He wanted me to do, trusting Him implicitly! A few days later, I was minding my own business, doing the dishes in the kitchen, I think and He spoke to me and said, "I fired you so that you would have more time to serve." I was like, Ok. At the time, we had just started attending our new church. I was not serving yet then. I was not involved yet then. We had attended just once or twice.
But, right after that - BOOM! I was doing Sunday School! Then on the Worship Team! Then going to the Bible study with Miss Evelyn! Then singing for the Women's Retreat and the practices for that. And on and on it has gone! and I am pregnant! and yet, God is sustaining me!
I have not had the morning sickness that I have had with my other 3 pregnancies! I have not been as exhausted as I was with my other 3 pregnancies! I have had more energy and don't even feel pregnant! I have my first dr's appt. next Wed, and I will be anxious to hear what she has to say! Because quite honestly, I feel great! But, I am also taking better care of myself this time than I did with my other pregnancies too. But, I cannot take the credit, and refuse to!
I believe, with all my heart, that God is giving me the ability to do what He has called me to do! And honestly, I would not have it any other way! I prayed and said, "God, I want to be all used up when I die! So, use me up! I don't want there to be any regrets! I don't want to say, on my death bed, 'oh, I wish I had done this' or 'oh, I wish I had done that'! I want to feel fulfilled and blessed! To know that I did all that He called me to do! And that others were blessed as a result!
I may not even know this side of heaven all of the impact of the work He had me do. But, that is ok, that is not the reason why I'm doing it! I'm doing it to honor Him and to glorify Him! To obey Him and to please Him and to serve Him! So that one day I will hear, "Well done, Thou good and faithful servant." And know that I gave my all for Him! And in heaven, when He shows me the lives that were touched by what I did for Him, that will make it all worthwhile!!!
God bless you all! And may you make Him your focus and your source of joy!!!
Love you all! June Marie Richardson
I now sing with the Worship Team, and feel blessed to be singing with so many who love the Lord and truly want to serve Him and not glorify themselves! I was also asked (by my dear sweet friend Nicole, the Women's Ministry Director, and who is also on the Worship Team) to sing with her and another lady on the Worship Team (Sylvia) for the Women's Retreat. I was so touched, that I cried!
She (Nicole) also asked me to be the Director of Fundraising for Women's Ministies, and so I am going to the first meeting for that this Thursday. As well as having been invited (by another very dear friend of mine, LoRee Feltz, Nicole's mama!) to come to a Master Planning meeting, to be a part of the planning that is in the works to build a new church building and to include a school - which I am excited to see what the Lord has in store for that! and how He will (once again) use me in the development of that school. As well as several other women there who are so blessed and talented!
Paola is one. She has 3 sweet little children, and a wonderful husband, Froy, (who does the sound for our church, among many other things), and she used to be Kindergarten teacher! She now teaches the Youth at church, but has experessed an interest in teaching again, once we get the school going! She is an amazing young woman as well! (This church is blessed with talented, amazing people! I feel blessed to be a part of it!)
LoRee also has expressed an interest in being part of the school, as Administrator, or something like that. She would be very good in that role! She and I have talked about getting other ministries up and running at the church too! She is just as ambitious as I am! If not more!
On top of all that, I go with Miss Evelyn, and her great husband, Melvin, to a Bible study, with some older women from the Baptist church, at the convalescent home on Fridays. These women are already near and dear to my heart! Especially Miss Lynn, and Miss Phyllis! Miss Lynn has some past pains and hurts similar to mine, and so she and I connected almost immediately!
Miss Phyllis was so sweet to give me a very dear gift: her King James Bible, as I saw how my New Living Translation (as well as all other translations of the Bible, apart from the New American Standard Bible) did not have a verse in Acts! It was Acts 8:37! Missing! So, she parted with her very special King James Bible and gave it to me - something I will cherish!
Yesterday, Miss Evelyn, and another very sweet woman from the church, Miss Nola, started a Bible study at the Assisted Living place where Nola lives! We had a wonderful time of fellowship and sharing our testimonies, as an effort to get to know each other better and where each oher has been, and where they are coming from. It was quite interesting hearing everyone's stories!
Especially another lady, who was there with us from a non denominational church here in Layton, Alpine - her name is Pat. And she shared about how she has been on missionary trips to South America, specifically in Peru. And shared some of her experiences there with us. It was quite interesting and very humbling. Especially, she was on one trip there for 3 months! The others were shorter, but not by much. One was for 2 1/2 months, and the other a few weeks. One was for medical reasons - to assist the Peruvians with medical care. Another time was to build an orphanage. She told us how the bricks to build the roof were carried up a ladder, but not what we consider a ladder. It was just rungs! And that the bricks were in large buckets, tied to a rope that was put over their shoulders, and it was 103 degrees!
She also shared how their water supply, because of the lack of rain, came from the mountain, and so was very dirty and not very sanitary. She also shared that if a child made it to it's 10th to 12th birthday, then it was more likely that they would live to see adulthood. It was very sad.
After taking Miss Evelyn home, my husband and youngest son, Austin and I went to the church for Accountability Group, which is every other Tuesday. We get a chance to fellowship and to share with one another what is really going on in our lives, as well as whether or not we are reading our Bibles daily, praying daily and praying for a lost person daily. Then, what do we believe God is speaking to our hearts. It is a very great time of fellowship as well, and an opportunity not only to share what is on our hearts, but to hear what is on other people's hearts, as well, and thus to get to know each other and to pray for one another, as we know how to pray for one another.
Between all of these activities in my life, plus keeping a house, being pregnant, seeing to all of my kid's activities, and making sure they get the things done they need to get done, as well as doing my school, well as you can see, life is very full and very busy! But, because I get so depressed when I do not feel that I have a purpose to live for, I love being busy! But, busy doing the right kinds of things. As I said, things that give my life meaning and purpose.
I have noticed too, that doing all of these things get my focus off of myself and on to serving others, and that has assisted with removing selfishness from my life and self focus. I love to serve! I love to serve the Lord! And I love to be used by Him to make a difference in the lives of others! It has been so long since I have been used by Him in that way, that it is refreshing!
I am no longer working doing taxes. I was fired (due to my lack of knowledge - didn't know as much as they thought I did, based on how I was trained at my first place doing taxes) And I tell people, "God fired me!" When I was fired, and they were nice about it and felt badly about it, but just knew it was getting difficult for me and it was making things difficult on them, especially as we were nearing busy time, so I was ok with it. So, when I was fired, I said to God, "Well, obviously You have a plan in all of this. Please make it clear what You want me to do. Do You want me to look for another job? Do You want me to just focus on school? Do You want me to homeschool Austin?"
I did not get an answer right away, of course, but I was open to whatever He wanted me to do, trusting Him implicitly! A few days later, I was minding my own business, doing the dishes in the kitchen, I think and He spoke to me and said, "I fired you so that you would have more time to serve." I was like, Ok. At the time, we had just started attending our new church. I was not serving yet then. I was not involved yet then. We had attended just once or twice.
But, right after that - BOOM! I was doing Sunday School! Then on the Worship Team! Then going to the Bible study with Miss Evelyn! Then singing for the Women's Retreat and the practices for that. And on and on it has gone! and I am pregnant! and yet, God is sustaining me!
I have not had the morning sickness that I have had with my other 3 pregnancies! I have not been as exhausted as I was with my other 3 pregnancies! I have had more energy and don't even feel pregnant! I have my first dr's appt. next Wed, and I will be anxious to hear what she has to say! Because quite honestly, I feel great! But, I am also taking better care of myself this time than I did with my other pregnancies too. But, I cannot take the credit, and refuse to!
I believe, with all my heart, that God is giving me the ability to do what He has called me to do! And honestly, I would not have it any other way! I prayed and said, "God, I want to be all used up when I die! So, use me up! I don't want there to be any regrets! I don't want to say, on my death bed, 'oh, I wish I had done this' or 'oh, I wish I had done that'! I want to feel fulfilled and blessed! To know that I did all that He called me to do! And that others were blessed as a result!
I may not even know this side of heaven all of the impact of the work He had me do. But, that is ok, that is not the reason why I'm doing it! I'm doing it to honor Him and to glorify Him! To obey Him and to please Him and to serve Him! So that one day I will hear, "Well done, Thou good and faithful servant." And know that I gave my all for Him! And in heaven, when He shows me the lives that were touched by what I did for Him, that will make it all worthwhile!!!
God bless you all! And may you make Him your focus and your source of joy!!!
Love you all! June Marie Richardson
Saturday, February 21, 2009
God's Blessings!
Well, this is very interesting! I am 44, almost 45, years old. My husband is going to be 51 in a few months. And we have a 5, almost 6, year old son, as well as an 18 year old son and a 15 year old daughter. And we have been blessed by moving to Layton, and then God led us to an amazing church family! We have been so blessed! We have a beautiful home. Great friends. And so many opportunities to be used by God to serve others. It has been amazing to see what God has done in our lives in just a few short months!! (we moved here in May)
But, the hugest blessing of all, I just found out about last night! In our "advanced age", Bruce and I are expecting our 4th child! I am in shock! Yet, at peace! I feel so blessed! I know God has a plan and a purpose for this child to be born at this time. I cannot question God and His sovereignty! Nor His perfect timing! I feel so blessed to be the one chosen to carry this child and ot being it in to this world and train him/her up in God's ways!
Austin's response was: "You mean I'm going to have a friend? I want a girl."
Aaron's response was: "What? You're pregnant? I'm scared and excited at the same time!"
Alyssa's response was: "Wait! Your'e pregnant? Ohmigosh! I'm going to cry!" When I asked her if they were happy or sad tears, she said both.
We lost a baby 4 years ago, and it was a very difficult time. For Alyssa especially, as she desperately wants a little sister and has for so long! For her sake, and Austin's, I do pray it is a little girl. But, I know we will graciously accept whomever God places in our lives!
When Bruce got home, I said to him, "So, do you remember what God promised to Abraham in his old age?" Bruce said, "A son." I said, "yeah, and how old was Abraham?" Bruce said, "90? 100?" I said, "100. and you are half his age." He said, "Wait, where is this conversation going?" I said, "Well, where do you think?" He just looked at me and then I said, "God has blessed us with a child. I'm pregnant." I think he is still adjusting to the idea of being a father at this point in his life. He said to me, "I was still wondering how I was going to be able to stay up with Ausitn."
So, I have been praying for him, constantly! That God will bless him with the strength, stamina, motivation, etc. to be a godly father for this baby, and our other children. I will continue to do so, because that is the ONLY way we will get through this time in our lives! It will definitely drive us further to our knees! As we continually need to be surrendering ourselves and our will to God's will for our lives, and not depend on ourselves nor on our own will/abilities, etc.
The funny thing in all of this: I have thought manytimes before that I was pregnant and ended up not being, so I was afraid to take a test and discover that I was not once again. I was afraid to go through that disappointment again. And I did not want to take my daughter nor my husband through that roller coaster ride again emotionally. So, I did not say anything to anyone.
I ordered a day planner from a Christian company that makes family planners. I received the package when my oldest son, Aaron, was home, and he was sitting next to me at the table when I opened it. When Idid, there were 2 planners in there: the one I ordered, and another one. It had a note on it that said, "Congratulations! You have been specially chosen to receive one of our Expecting Planners free of charge"! I looked at it, and laughed and said, "God, what are You telling me?"
Then my son said he wanted the planner I ordered, so I chose to go ahead and use the "Expecting" Planner. 2 days later, I discovered I am pregnant! God is funny! I LOVE His sense of humor! Even when He's laughing at me!
So, I will keep all posted as to the progress of this new little life developing within me! I will post pics, as well as write notes, on the progression of this pregnancy. God bless to all! June Marie
But, the hugest blessing of all, I just found out about last night! In our "advanced age", Bruce and I are expecting our 4th child! I am in shock! Yet, at peace! I feel so blessed! I know God has a plan and a purpose for this child to be born at this time. I cannot question God and His sovereignty! Nor His perfect timing! I feel so blessed to be the one chosen to carry this child and ot being it in to this world and train him/her up in God's ways!
Austin's response was: "You mean I'm going to have a friend? I want a girl."
Aaron's response was: "What? You're pregnant? I'm scared and excited at the same time!"
Alyssa's response was: "Wait! Your'e pregnant? Ohmigosh! I'm going to cry!" When I asked her if they were happy or sad tears, she said both.
We lost a baby 4 years ago, and it was a very difficult time. For Alyssa especially, as she desperately wants a little sister and has for so long! For her sake, and Austin's, I do pray it is a little girl. But, I know we will graciously accept whomever God places in our lives!
When Bruce got home, I said to him, "So, do you remember what God promised to Abraham in his old age?" Bruce said, "A son." I said, "yeah, and how old was Abraham?" Bruce said, "90? 100?" I said, "100. and you are half his age." He said, "Wait, where is this conversation going?" I said, "Well, where do you think?" He just looked at me and then I said, "God has blessed us with a child. I'm pregnant." I think he is still adjusting to the idea of being a father at this point in his life. He said to me, "I was still wondering how I was going to be able to stay up with Ausitn."
So, I have been praying for him, constantly! That God will bless him with the strength, stamina, motivation, etc. to be a godly father for this baby, and our other children. I will continue to do so, because that is the ONLY way we will get through this time in our lives! It will definitely drive us further to our knees! As we continually need to be surrendering ourselves and our will to God's will for our lives, and not depend on ourselves nor on our own will/abilities, etc.
The funny thing in all of this: I have thought manytimes before that I was pregnant and ended up not being, so I was afraid to take a test and discover that I was not once again. I was afraid to go through that disappointment again. And I did not want to take my daughter nor my husband through that roller coaster ride again emotionally. So, I did not say anything to anyone.
I ordered a day planner from a Christian company that makes family planners. I received the package when my oldest son, Aaron, was home, and he was sitting next to me at the table when I opened it. When Idid, there were 2 planners in there: the one I ordered, and another one. It had a note on it that said, "Congratulations! You have been specially chosen to receive one of our Expecting Planners free of charge"! I looked at it, and laughed and said, "God, what are You telling me?"
Then my son said he wanted the planner I ordered, so I chose to go ahead and use the "Expecting" Planner. 2 days later, I discovered I am pregnant! God is funny! I LOVE His sense of humor! Even when He's laughing at me!
So, I will keep all posted as to the progress of this new little life developing within me! I will post pics, as well as write notes, on the progression of this pregnancy. God bless to all! June Marie
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Life in this economy
So, there has been some hard hits to us financially, I'm not going to lie. A cut in Bruce's hours. OUCH! A reduction in some monies I was receiving from my dad's investments. OUCH! I'm working now, doing taxes again (I am such a numbers geek! I LOVE doing taxes! Guess I get it from my mom!) but it is not even enough to replace what I lost from my dad's investments!
We are doing a Crown Financial Small Group, and are finding out some mistakes we have made, in attitude, and in choices, decisions, etc. OUCH! But, at least we are learning, and FINALLY getting on the same page! It has been good for our marriage to do this together. It has been good for us too, in learning how to manage our money more wisely, and how to, well, here is the amazing thing, live below our means!! What a concept!!
Crap! My kids are yelling at me to come eat dinner!
We are doing a Crown Financial Small Group, and are finding out some mistakes we have made, in attitude, and in choices, decisions, etc. OUCH! But, at least we are learning, and FINALLY getting on the same page! It has been good for our marriage to do this together. It has been good for us too, in learning how to manage our money more wisely, and how to, well, here is the amazing thing, live below our means!! What a concept!!
Crap! My kids are yelling at me to come eat dinner!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
more pics of house in Layton
So, here we have a walk out basement - the house is 3 levels, with the main level having: the living room, kitchen and dining room, family room, laundry room, with a bathroom and then the garage off of there. Then going upstairs, there are 3 bedrooms: Alyssa's and Austin's are up there, with a bath for them, and then the Master bedroom, wtih a Master bath (complete with jacuzzi tub!) and a huge walk in closet!
This is the family room, right off the kitchen, with a couple of stairs going down. The fireplace is gas. we are using it quite a bit with the cold weather we now have! 
Here is the view of the dining room from the kitchen, where the railing is is where the family room is. Where the blinds are there is a deck, where during the summer we sat out there and ate just about every night! And then Bruce and I would sip tea and watch the sun set!
Here is another shot of the family room - the boxes are gone now! (haha)
Here is a view of the kitchen. Off to the left is the stove, walk in pantry, and then the fridge is next to the built in desk.House in Layton
Well, I have been trying to take updated pictures of myself - HA! I hate taking pictures of myself! And my daughter didn't do any better - they were all blurry! So, I will attempt to take a more updated picture of myself, as well as of all of my family members, to put on here for all to see. What I DID get, though, were some pretty good pictures of my house here in Layton! So, those I will post, as they look far better than me!!!
These are some pics I took Christmas day, Christmas Eve (for Alyssa's birthday) and then Monday, when Aaron took Austin sledding across the street, and I took some of the snow while I was watching them. I hope you all have a blessed, safe and wonderful new year!
God bless you all!
In Christ, JuneMarie
These are some pics I took Christmas day, Christmas Eve (for Alyssa's birthday) and then Monday, when Aaron took Austin sledding across the street, and I took some of the snow while I was watching them. I hope you all have a blessed, safe and wonderful new year!
God bless you all!
In Christ, JuneMarie
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
New Year's pondering
(this picture if of my beautiful daughter, Alyssa, now 15! Before she went to her first school dance with a boy named Ben)At this time of year, I find that I tend to think more and more on things of the past. What things I've done, or have not done, and what things I wish I had done, and what things I wish I had not done. How those choices and decisions have affected me now, as well as my family. I recently asked my husband if he thinks of people from his past. He said he has, like old classmates. I recently went back on to Classmates.com, and in so doing, found myself attempting to find people I once knew, and some of them, admittedly, were guys I knew and cared about in some way.
I've also found myself thinking of my childhood, and things that happened that I wish had not, and again told my husband how I realize that these things will affect me, and therefore my family, in some way for the rest of my life! Sad, but true.
I know the good Lord has healed me in many ways from these terrible things, yet there are always lingering affects. I see more and more of them everyday! Yet, less than there were in years past.
I have a journal that I keep, just for writing about Christmasses. I have kept it since my husband purchased this wood journal for me 2 Christmasses ago. I have also written about New Year's passed. It is quite interesting to go back and to read them and to see where we have come from, as a family, and where we are going.
Two years ago, we were contemplating moving to North Carolina, as Bruce, my husband (of 14+ years) had an opportunity to start his own business there. The people who owned the company he was working for offered to help him out in this way. They helped him to get a service truck, to service heavy equipment, as well as to get the required licensure, etc. and offered to help him to get his business up and running out in NC.
I was excited because I've wanted to live there for many years! Yet it was not to be. There were too many things that made me leery about moving there, and I told him I did not feel comfortable moving our family across the country for something so unstable.
Since that time, he has come back, got a job with a company out of Vegas, that lasted less than a year, and then when he got laid off (they had laid off 500+ people within less than a year and he was one of the last ones) he got a call from a job recruiter about a job up here in Layton, UT. (we were in Cedar City, UT) Our landlord in Cedar City also had a house here in Layton that came available at the same time that our lease was up in Cedar (which was in May of '08, and Bruce got the job up here in March '08!)
So, we had a house ready and waiting for us! Plus, our landlord in Cedar wanted us in this house so badly, that he lowered the rent on this house by $300/month!! For the next 2 years! Contract signed, etc. I'm sure, with the economy the way it is now, he regrets that decision, but we would not have been able to afford the house otherwise!
A year ago, New Year's was spent in St George, UT taking our children, Aaron, then 17, and Alyssa, then 14, and Austin, then 4, not yet 5, there to the street event they had. The older ones, and their friends, ran off and played Guitar Hero, and Dance Dance Revolution, while Bruce and I took Austin to see the fire engines and to ride on the little train and play on the bouncers, etc. It was all fun, but it was cold!
The year before that, when Bruce was gone, the kids and I celebrated the New Year by playing some games, reading the Bible and then by setting some goals for the year. Aaron attained every one of his goals! (with the exception of one that changed, as the girl he was "seeing" no longer was in his life, and one of his goals was to meet her).
Alyssa attained all but one of her goals, which was to get back in to gymnastics, as she changed her mind about that one too, and rather got in to dance, and excelled at that.
Mine was to get enrolled in school. I did not that year. But, I am happy to announce that this year, in Sept., I enrolled in Hope International University - a Christian online college, where I am working toward a Bachelor's Degree in Human Development, with an emphasis in Counseling.
Funny, I've wanted to return to school for years, but always had some excuse. I'm too old to go back to school. Or my inferiorities and insecurities got in the way, as I thought I was not good enough of smart enough to go back to school.
I let these beliefs about myself, these "fears", stop me in my life from pursuing many things I wanted to do! Hence, some of the choices I've made And now some of the regrets I have. I wish I knew then what I know now, and thus would have pursued my dreams and goals, in spite of my fears, and maybe then I would have overcame them sooner.
But, alas, we all mature at different times, in different ways. I am excited to be doing it now, rather than not at all! And that is the conclusion that I continue to come to now about life: I cannot change the past, as much as I may wish I could! BUT, I can do what I can now to change the future! To make things better now! To do things differently now!
I've heard it said that the choices and decisions we make today will affect our lives 5 years from now. That got me to thinking more about the choices and decisions I make now, and to make mroe certain that they are good ones, so that in 5 years, I will not be living in more regret, but rather will be pleased with where I am in life, and with where I am headed! Hence, the decision to finally take the next step of faith in my life and enroll in school!
I am so glad I did! and I like the feeling so much of accomplishing goals, that I want to experience more of those feelings! Therefore, the next goal that I am setting out to accomplish, one that I have had since I was in High School, is to be in a band!
I have been afraid to pursue this one as well, again because of my own insecurities and inferiorities, perhaps that live more in my own mind, as opposed to in the minds of others, and may not even have any place in reality. That of not being good enough. UGH! How this belief has plagued me for so many years! How I wish to overcome it!
But, even to have it no longer stop me, even if I never stop thinking it, is indeed a huge accomplishment in and of itself!
My desire, my hopes, in sharing these intimate details of my self, and of my mind functioning, is not to receive more criticism, or even "advice" but merely to be able to perhaps help someone else who may be struggling with the desire to step out and obtain their dreams and goals. If my writings have helped even one other individual be able to have the courage and faith to do that, well that is a fine accomplishment indeed.
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